I remember writing in this diary I had when I was like 7 or 8 that I just wanted to ‘go away. Not to run away but disappear completely right there and then. It’s weird because I didn’t really know the concept of suicide back then, but I just remember not wanting to exist. 21. Always feeling like there was a black cloud casting a shadow over me even when things were happy. Never feeling like I was enough - I always could have been better. Like I didn’t belong in this life. Thoughts and feelings I’ve had ever since I was little but didn’t realize it was depression and anxiety for many years. I was scared of things I’ve never been scared of before, and most of the time the world felt like it was crashing down around me. I’m thankful I had a nurse sister who caught the signs and told me to see a doctor, but not everyone is as lucky. Your feelings matter and are valid.
Jordis Weichbrodt 28 June 2019 Reply.
Lately I really feel like I'm rollin' for delf Like Philly, feel like I'm losin' control of myself I sincerely apologize if all that I sound like Is I'm complainin' but life keeps on complicatin' And I'm debatin' on leavin' this world this evenin' Even my girls can see I'm grievin', I tr. not've made it through? I think about the things I woulda never got to say to you I'd never get to make it right, so here's what I came to do Hailie, this one is for you, Whitney and Alaina too I still love your mother, that'll never change Think about her every day, we just could never get it together, hey Wish there. I didn’t come with a bunch of ideas planned out. It was kind of like, ‘Let me set up my equipment and talk to Marshall and see what he is going for, and just try to make stuff, and hopefully make something that inspires him that he wants to rap on and turn into a song.
For the love of Freddie I can't work it out. Thanks. Presumably, you could consider it as a carefree view on the matter of time. I say what any decent poet would say if you dared ask him to analyse his work: If you see it, dear, then it's there. I enjoy being a bitch. I enjoy being surrounded by bitches. Boredom is the biggest disease in the world, darling. Sometimes I think there must be more to life than rushing round the world like a mad thing getting bored. I'm a very emotional person, a person of real extremes, and that's often destructive both to myself and others. Fuck today, it's tomorrow. I've stopped all that promiscuous lifestyle. I like to feel that I'm just being my honest self and as far as I'm concerned I just want to pack in as much of life and fun, having a good time as much as I can within in the years I have. Well there you are, you have it on tape.
Eventually, I turned things around, developing a career that I am actually proud of - but I've never forgotten how it felt to think that I was a permanent loser. In this spirit, I present the five thoughts below: consider them counter-programming for the next time you read your alumni newsletter and decide that you are obviously the world's biggest failure. When you start feeling like a professional failure, it can become extraordinarily easy to fixate on the idea that your career fate is totally out of your control, decided by forces far outside your own power. This kind of thinking is seductive because it provides a narrative that indulges all your darkest thoughts: not only does your life suck, but it was predestined to suck long before you were ever in a position to do anything about it, and so there is literally nothing you can do now. Luckily for you, it is also totally not true.